I wanted to talk about my last few weeks, spent learning more and more about Domestic Abuse. I have had experience of both physical and emotional/psychological abuse from childhood and guess what………I took it into my adult life and chose partners who would replicate my younger experiences. It has taken me so long to make the connection and finally to get the help from a Domestic Abuse Outreach worker who very lovingly and slowly introduced me to what was normal and what was, infact, abuse, my normal.
It does not have to be physical abuse, it can be slow, emotional torture that can erode the soul, bit by tiny bit until you do not know who you are or what day it is or what is right or what is wrong, leaving you with no self esteem and rocking in the corner, that was almost me…….the scars of emotional abuse cut so deeply and erode the soul, this too is abuse, it is emotional abuse and it needs to stop. Trouble is long after they have left, you are left with all their shit going round and round in your head, unable to break out of it, it becomes a living hell.
It has felt a bit like, actually a lot like re-programming and sometimes I still don’t get it, I have to have examples shown to me, little mini examples show again and again to really begin to get to grips with what is actually normal behaviour. I have blamed myself, gone back again and again, believed whoever it was that it was all my fault and almost lost my mind. It is programming and the earlier it happens, the more normal it feels.
The Freedom Programme is set out to slowly take you through the differences in all aspects of Living with the Dominator is a book about The Freedom Programme that you can get on the website above, it is really insightful. Pat Craven has taken years of experience working in this field and turned it into a programme to help both men and women to break free from years of a cycle of abuse. Unfortunately I have acquired some of the really unpleasant characteristics and have had to have a good hard look at myself as well as looking at the men I have chosen, my relationship with my father, mother and step-mother to mention but a few. I have been in therapy on and off for years, have had varying different support and still this stuff is so ingrained in my psyche, however, something is shifting. In the book they also show you examples of what a good partner would do, a kind loving partner, not an unkind one, to me it has really helped me to see things differently and the patterns I have expected to just carry on.
I hope you will get something from it and if you do, please leave a message or e-mail me privately at firstname.lastname@example.org I look forward to hearing from you.
The rest of this video documentary series can be found at http://www.youtube.com/addicts4addicts
If you need support or advice the following details are very helpful.
South West Surrey Domestic Abuse Outreach Service 01483-577392 Mon-Fri
The following books are apparently very good, I have not read any of them but they are available on Amazon or can be ordered in the local library if they do not have them.
Mothering through Domestic Violence; Talking to mum-ages 5-9yrs
Talking about Domestic Abuse – 9+ and When Dad hurts Mom.
I do hope something will help if you need it, I am so grateful for the day I approached the stand during Domestic Abuse week and said ‘can someone please tell me what normal is’.