I am in a learning period, learning to allow myself to be held, to allow myself to be just where I am, right in this moment. Learning to trust, on a much deeper level, that everything is going to be alright.
At the moment, I have nowhere to live, I am staying with various friends, thought I had found somewhere to live and once I mentioned Housing Benefit to the potential people who were trying to help me, they closed down the offer. It is a test of my self, to trust that there is something so much better around the corner. At 52 years old I find myself crashing on friends floors, living with most of my stuff in the back of my car and traveling around as I look for somewhere to live. I am grateful for all the provision I am being given. One of my friends has allowed me to base myself at her house, so I actually have an address!
Two weeks ago tomorrow I moved from my home of 3 years, and this is the best thing that happened, because I had no choice, the house was sold. I have wanted to leave Surrey and move back to London for so long, and this dream it is on it’s way. In the meantime, I get to see just how loved I am by the generosity of friends. What a gift.
I feel scared, I feel excited and I feel closer to myself and God than I have done for so long. Each day is a new beginning. I guess it always is but somehow this is so much clearer than before. I am sitting with my computer in a lovely place, near to Pinewood Studios, that opened it’s doors and a kind young man helped me get onto the internet, not my strongest skill!!
I am loving being here, it connects me with the me that drove here many years ago to sound edit my graduation film in the Bond Studio, driving to Denham to do the negative cutting and the colour, oh how I love film making.
I have asked for help, I have received it with open arms and I am actually more in touch with the generosity of mankind than I have been for so long, it is a wonderful feeling, it is also very humbling and that is always a good thing, maybe not always comfortable, but I need it.