I have had a hell of a few days and sorry not to have written for a good two weeks, I have been up and down and for some reason so shut off did not share it, I will get there.
I went to see two old friends in London on Sunday, it was absolutely beautiful and everything I needed. I felt loved, connected with a part of me that I have not felt connected to for so long, those familiar smells, the hug that feels so comfortable and to be listened to and supported and to laugh with people who just know me I needed it.
My friends woke up parts of me that only they can, because they were there and we had been through it together. One of them I had not seen for 27 years and the other 5, somehow it didn’t matter, the love and affection was there like yesterday. Generosity of spirit, going out of their way, just because, it is food for my soul. One friend reminded me of just how spiteful my mother was, how nasty, how competetive with me, how she always put me down, never had a nice word to say about me and just how venimous she was, I am so grateful to hear this, because I thought it was me famiimagining it. I have a lot of healing to do around this but conversations like that, amongst love and support, laughter and generosity make the healing possible I have a witness and as Alice Miller says, in her book The Drama of the Gifted Child, we all need one.
The reason I have titled this blog with the BBC Competition is because there are some very moving stories on it that I thought you may want to see, about the effects of child abuse on three different women. There is only 4 days left to view them so hopefully some of you will get a chance to see these amazing stories.