I was sitting in the doctor surgery this morning waiting when I stumbled across an article about Kay Mellor and her mother breaking down being the inspiration behind A Passionate Woman. I have not yet seen it and I am planning on doing so somehow because it sounds beautiful. I think these moments in peoples lives can change everything and set everyone free.
I wanted to comment on this because it is precisely why I am writing Ifs Buts and Maybes, the story of a love lost and a long time of carrying shame, living a lie, not telling anyone, feeling numb and then despair, then finally having the ability to share it and set both my son, his father and myself free. I still cry about it all now, I feel terribly sad about how it all turned out, as I have said I am in the grieving period, as long as I keep moving forward, I will get there. I had not realised I have been stuck in it for so long, going round and round in my head, hence the title.
I have contacted Kay Mellor and asked if I can talk with her, who knows she may be interested in doing somethig with me as I am looking for a scriptwriter. I have just found someone who is going to help me with the editiing of the book so I am now in the process of getting myself really clear on what I want to say. Being dyslexic, this is not one of my strengths, so I am so grateful that someone is happy to help me. He is a journalist and a writer of books and has an understanding of Mental Illness which feels like a very good combination.
I have realised the family problems that have been going on around me have affected me more that I gave them credit for, I have been wiped out with all the stuff that has come up for me. I still feel desperately sad at the situation with my brother and I wish I could have been stronger and more help to him, but I couldn’t. One good thing that has happened is that I have developed communication with a couple of members of my family which have been long lacking and I am really grateful for that.