After several more hours getting to know the system a little better a beautiful conversation appeared from two human beings being open and honest and willing to give and receive.
I was struggling to follow what Matt was trying to tell me, for the third time. This had nothing to do with me giving myself a hard time, which is new,nothing to do with Matt being complicated, it was to do with not getting it on a different level. I said something like I am finding it really hard to follow what you are suggesting and before I knew it I was telling him I am dyslexic and that the area it shows itself most is in sequencing, to which he replied ‘that makes sense’…………..what, not shot down in flames, told to pull myself together and stop making it all up for attention and on and on it would go, which is of course why I find it so hard to tell people when I am expecting that kind of response, but I had to it was becoming very difficult and to be greeted with such a supportive response, followed by you are teaching me how to teach you was just wonderful and I of course relaxed, he adjusted his way of teaching me and we were off, fantastic.
This is another big breakthrough for me, so often greeted with negativity I shut down and I am slowly taking risks and learning that there are people out there who are only too happy to help me in a way I need to be helped. I know that when I was at school dyslexia was not really known about and I carried the shame with me until I went to Uni at the age of 33 and was finally sent for a test after I found it difficult to process the film editing suite, it was a painful and enlightening time for me, I am not thick, there is something different with the way my brain takes in information and it has been painful and exciting ever since.
The next conversation began with me thanking him for all his help and how much I appreciated his generosity, this again was followed by a conversation about giving and receiving, giving and not sacrificing. How by giving to me he is actually learning to teach, how he is also getting a lot out of it and that he, like me, knows that the Universe provides. By his generosity in helping me he will get by-products as will I and it all works just by being kind and helping, one human being to another. I would not be where I am today if other friends of mine did not have this attitude and I am eternally grateful that more and more of my world goes around like this.
One thing I never quite understood was the difference between giving and sacrificing, giving when you are also taking care of yourself is giving. Giving when you are sacrificing yourself, example not doing something you would love to do in order to help others is sacrificing and leads to not giving freely so much because you are not taking care of you aswell, I have learnt a lot today in many ways. I have been reminded that it is good to be true to myself and if the other person is critical and judgemental that says more about them…………never ever got that………..I always thought it was my fault and it is getting less. The other thing I learnt and reconnected with is the part of me that trusts that all will be well and that leaves me feeling peaceful, giving and receiving, paying it forward and all that that brings with it.
Thank you for visiting,